After a recent Skype call with Paul, we decided it might be a good time for us to share some of our long distance relationship tips. We haven’t published “our LDR story” yet, although we do plan to soon.
In the meantime, here’s a little background..
Paul and I met online in 2018, we were both playing an online game. We became friends through the game which eventually led to texting , phone calls, Skype video calls and finally meeting in person. We are still living distant and still going strong.
Paul is my best friend and my partner and together we have faced many of the challenges that any long-distance couple will do we wanted to share how we dealt with them here today.
Let’s start at the beginning.
Early on in any long distance relationship one of the biggest problems is insecurity. Is he/she interested, should I contact first or wait for them to get in touch.
I remember wishing many times that we had met in person early on as that would have made me a lot less insecure. I read stories of couples who had met one weekend and started a long distance relationship from there and I would think about how lucky they were.
They already knew what they were getting into. I’m not saying those couples have it easier, all LDR’s are hard, but knowing what each other look like in person and whether you click must be a help.
Paul was charming and funny, our personalities hit it off straight away. I would never have thought for a second that Paul could be feeling as insecure as I was. Later I learned just how insecure he had been, but he came off confident and self-assured, which leads me to tip number one..
Long Distance Relationship Tips – Insecurity
The following tips center around the beginning stages of a long distance relationship and the insecurity that often surfaces. Feeling insecure at the start is normal, these are some of our tips to help combat those feelings.
Don’t Make Assumptions About How Your Partner Feels
Don’t assume how your boyfriend or girlfriend is feeling, this goes for any relationship of course but especially so when your communication is almost completely via text or phone calls. Texts are especially hard to interpret.
You may think that you can’t just come out and admit that you’re scared about what your future together holds. Depending on the stage you are at, this is somewhat true. However, you can certainly bring it up over time, if you’re still in the stage of trying to seem casual while your heart is racing waiting for a reply to your last text. It may not be time. In fact, if you are still at that stage, relax, your relationship is very new. Enjoy the excitement of getting to know each other first without worrying what the future holds. That stage won’t last forever, enjoy it.
Know that there will be a time in the future when you will be comfortable admitting to feeling insecure. These times often come late at night or after watching a romantic movie together.
Let it happen naturally and when it does, open up and be honest. If you feel insecure about how you look or how he or she feels about you, tell them. These moments are for bonding and becoming closer. They may just reveal how they have been feeling the same, if they don’t, then don’t push it, they will tell you when they are ready to, but they will tell you.
Don’t Lie About The Basics
Everybody tells small lies, when you can’t see one another in person lies become easier to tell, small lies are normal. If he asks what your wearing and your lounging around in yesterday’s sweat pants and your hair is a mess, it’s ok to embellish the truth a little, at least so he or she doesn’t think you are a complete slob from the get-go.
But don’t lie about the basics, the things that you can’t change and shouldn’t try to change like your weight or height. Definitely do not lie about your age. Don’t do it because in the long run, you will have to face that truth, but more importantly, you will make yourself feel more insecure and end up wondering if he likes you because you told him you’re shorter than him when in fact your a little taller.
Lying is all about making a good impression and while somewhat ok to embellish the little things don’t lie about the fundamentals, if you hate football and he loves it, be honest, you can’t build a relationship that will last unless you are willing to change your whole personality and you shouldn’t be.
Be Braver Than You Feel
I’m not talking about sending photos to your long-distance partner here, that’s a whole different topic we will cover later in the series. Right now I’m talking about the very beginning, the who should text first issue and the insecurity that goes with it.
There’s no hard and fast rule here but this is what happened with Paul and I. At first Paul initiated most of our conversations, because I was very unsure whether I should or not. It made me feel better knowing he wanted to talk everyday. I said earlier than I had no idea that Paul felt insecure so I thought that was all good and working for us.
What I didn’t know for quite some time was that Paul was beginning to feel that I wasn’t as bothered as he was. Yes, Paul was insecure but I didn’t know and it lead to some problems for us later on.
Luckily neither Paul or I give up easily and although we didn’t always get things right we worked through it, he admitted to feeling how he did and I reassured him it was my insecurity that stopped me from being the first to get in touch.
From that point on we made an effort to be better at communicating and initiating communication. I had to woman up and press that send button. So our advice is to just be a little braver and make sure that communication is two-sided in your long-distance relationship. It paves the foundation for a stronger relationship when you can both share any insecurities you may be feeling.
Dealing With Jealousy
We are going to write a separate post on jealousy in this series as it’s such a huge topic for long-distance couples. we will also cover how to deal with being on the receiving end of jealousy. For now, since we are dealing with the very early stages of an LDR, our long distance relationship tip is to try to let it go.
Unless your partner is giving you a reason to e jealous, try not to focus on it. Jealousy is an internal fear if your partner has given you no reason to doubt them but you still do. Try working on yourself for a bit, recognize that it is your own issue and try to discover the root of your jealousy, more often than not it’s in your past, if your partner is open and honest with you, don’t project your past into your future.
It’s also good to know that everyone feels jealous at times and it’s normal but if it’s causing problems in your relationship and the jealousy is unwarranted, it needs to be dealt with. You can, of course, share your feelings with your partner so they understand your reasons but it’s important to deal with it. Your partner is not your ex or whoever is the source of the jealous feelings.
On the other hand, if early on in your relationship, your partner has given you a reason to feel jealous, you need to assess the situation. Before I met Paul I had been in a serious long term relationship, I had the benefit of knowing what I was and was not willing to accept in a relationship from the start which brings me to tip 5.
Know Your Own Worth
This is one of the most important long distance relationship tips and it applies to any and all relationships.
Insecurity can haunt a person, especially if you have been subject to unfair treatment in the past. A lot of personal insecurity comes from past relationships whether romantic or otherwise. Even childhood friendships can be a cause of adult insecurity.
Coming out of a difficult relationship, I have Paul to thank for making me realize how important it is to know your own worth. That is, to not judge yourself on how people have treated you in the past. Self-confidence can only be achieved when you learn to see yourself for yourself. Not how your ex saw you or how your current partner sees you. Confidence can be given, from one partner to another through reassurance and love or it can be taken away through mistreatment. If you rely on others to value yourself you don’t know your own worth. When you own your confidence, however, nobody can take it away.
It’s easier said than done, but knowing that firstly you are good enough and secondly that you do deserve to be happy will help enormously when it comes to being in a successful long distance relationship.
The reason it’s so relevant in long distance relationships is that your partner will not always be with you and if your happiness relies on them being present it will make it so much more difficult when they are not.
About These Long Distance Relationship Tips
Paul and I are not relationship experts, I like to consider our relationship a work in progress. I believe all relationships are, we are at a stage now where we are very comfortable with one another. That wasn’t always the case (our first time meeting is a great example of that). We don’t have a perfect, insecurity or jealousy free long distance relationship. What we do have is trust, communication and awareness of each other’s feelings as well as the ability to sort out arguments without resorting to hurting one another in the process. It took time to get to where we are and our hope is that sharing our experience will help others in a similar situation.
Up Next, long-distance relationship tips Part 2 – Dealing with other people’s feelings about your relationship.
Featured Photos by Pixabay
Woman thinking image – Photo by Pixabay
Guy taking Photo by Oleg Magni
Texting image Photo by Pixabay
Jealousy image Photo by Pixabay
Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi